Yes, I have once again been slapped upside the head by Corporate America--what a year it has been! However, after feeling infinitely sorry for myself for a few dsys, I realized that taking chances on different jobs and now getting laid off (if you know of a good job, call me!) has allowed me to meet and become friends with some of the most wonderful people. I have been unlucky and let amazingly lucky at the same time--which pretty much sums up life, in my experience.
More from the "trenches" later, m'friends,
A
Monday, January 30, 2012
Friday, December 16, 2011
We Are All In It Together
Hello my meager, yet most appreciated audience,
So I was just reading friends' FB posts and realized that we are all sharing the same trials and tribulations with not only day-to-day life, but also love and death--how to comfort everyone through it all?
Let's just remember to be kind to each other, shall we?
Love and love and love,
A
So I was just reading friends' FB posts and realized that we are all sharing the same trials and tribulations with not only day-to-day life, but also love and death--how to comfort everyone through it all?
Let's just remember to be kind to each other, shall we?
Love and love and love,
A
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Chicks who Read Rock
I just read a post that really resonated with me about how you should date chicks who read (CWR). Having been a CWR since the year zot, I feel qualified to expound upon how groovy we are:
- You will never have to say, "Honey, could you turn the book down so I can hear the game?"
- We're easy to buy for--and a first edition of something fabulous will make us sooo very grateful.
- You never have to worry about us fooling around with the illiterate moron the next block over.
- Books are cheaper than jewelry.
- We teach you big words to impress your colleagues and friends with.
- You will never have to say, "Honey, could you turn the book down so I can hear the game?"
- We're easy to buy for--and a first edition of something fabulous will make us sooo very grateful.
- You never have to worry about us fooling around with the illiterate moron the next block over.
- Books are cheaper than jewelry.
- We teach you big words to impress your colleagues and friends with.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Being your own advocate
As many of my friends who have children or parents with serious health issue or who serious issue themselves, I am finding that you have to be aggressively your own advocate. In the early spring I was diagnosed with with Type 2 diabetes. Since you hear about it everywhere these days, I, like many, thought it was no a big deal other than I have to prick my finger every so often, watch what I eat, and exercise. I did all of those things and thought everything would be hunky-dorey going forward.
Boy, was I naive.
I also thought that after all of their education, experience, and years of sacrifice that doctors can be trusted implicitly and that their advice and directions should simply be followed and not challenged.
Again, naive.
I know this now as I sit in a hospital bed that I have finally refused to leave until a specialist started working with me and everything was figured out in a satisfactory way before I was sent on to live my life. I said enough with the Band-Aid treatments and merely sending me on my way. And they listened and we have finally made real progress.
All of which got me to thinking about being an advocate for myself in other areas of my life and how much faith and trust we place in people in all areas of our lives: health, financial, professional, families, friendship, and love. All day, every day we place our trust and faith in and make ourselves vulnerable to people for a myriad of reasons which may or may now be sound. Sometimes people pleasantly surprise us, sometimes they let us down terribly, and sometimes the outcome is safely neutral.
Events as of late and over the years have left me feeling more confident in being my own advocate and in asking for what I need in a situation and/or relationship. And, just today, I realized that it can be done--even in a town like DC full of relationships based so much on power--when I received my very first hospital visit from the Reluctant Boyfriend. I am by no means advocating hanging onto situations/relationships where it is clear nothing is ever going to be changed or compromised. However, I am simply saying that sometimes when we are strong about being our own advocate, things can change in a positive way. If not, I definitely believe in cutting bait--there are definitely better situations and people (and not just of the romantic variety) which are good for us. They may only have parts of themselves to offer us and it is up to us to decide for ourselves if it is enough.
For today, in any case, that is my version of taking responsibility for myself, my health, my happiness, and my advocacy of me.
For what it's worth,
Adriana!
Boy, was I naive.
I also thought that after all of their education, experience, and years of sacrifice that doctors can be trusted implicitly and that their advice and directions should simply be followed and not challenged.
Again, naive.
I know this now as I sit in a hospital bed that I have finally refused to leave until a specialist started working with me and everything was figured out in a satisfactory way before I was sent on to live my life. I said enough with the Band-Aid treatments and merely sending me on my way. And they listened and we have finally made real progress.
All of which got me to thinking about being an advocate for myself in other areas of my life and how much faith and trust we place in people in all areas of our lives: health, financial, professional, families, friendship, and love. All day, every day we place our trust and faith in and make ourselves vulnerable to people for a myriad of reasons which may or may now be sound. Sometimes people pleasantly surprise us, sometimes they let us down terribly, and sometimes the outcome is safely neutral.
Events as of late and over the years have left me feeling more confident in being my own advocate and in asking for what I need in a situation and/or relationship. And, just today, I realized that it can be done--even in a town like DC full of relationships based so much on power--when I received my very first hospital visit from the Reluctant Boyfriend. I am by no means advocating hanging onto situations/relationships where it is clear nothing is ever going to be changed or compromised. However, I am simply saying that sometimes when we are strong about being our own advocate, things can change in a positive way. If not, I definitely believe in cutting bait--there are definitely better situations and people (and not just of the romantic variety) which are good for us. They may only have parts of themselves to offer us and it is up to us to decide for ourselves if it is enough.
For today, in any case, that is my version of taking responsibility for myself, my health, my happiness, and my advocacy of me.
For what it's worth,
Adriana!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
First forays into middle age
As it is still techinically wedding-season, now seems an apt time to discuss one of the benefits of movng into middle age--not only have you survived your friends' first, starter weddings, but their second, "serious" weddings seem to start tapering off as well. Therefore, we can start to look forward to a reprieve of both wedding and shower madness. While most are truly joyous occassions, there are, as with everything exceptions. Below are some highlights from weddings and showers that I have both survived/endured and heard others lamentsabout. I apologize in advance if anyone takes exception to the illumination of any of these slices of life--my wish is to amuse, not offend.
- Expensive bridesmaid dresses that "you will TOTALLY be able to wear again." Enough said.
- The wedding where they attempted to set me up on a blind date (despite my having a boyfriend who was not invited) with an Elvis impersonator--who came to the wedding dressed as Elvis. I declined the invitation and, thankfully, avoided the indignity of everyone joking and snickering about "my date": "Elvis has left the table," "Elvis has entered the buffet line," "Elvis has gone to the restroom."
- Theme bridal showers. Need I say more?
- The reception where the recovering alcoholic ran around and yelled at anyone who deigned to have a drink.
- The shower where the woman ran around asking everyone to touch her breasts in order to assure her that her boob job felt natural.
- The bride-to-be who passed out in the middle of her shower.
- The mother-in-law who went on a rant about how "Art should not be judged" when we were trying to determine the winner of some silly decorating shower game.
- Being seated at many a "singles table," which invariably consist of unmarried "singles," but are are, however, dating/comitted, and all of whom know each other but do not know or have the least bit of interest in talking with me.
- The wedding where the bus boys commandeered the table cxameras and took many, many a moon shot--and twisted themselves around so that you could see their faces in each shot.
- The all-fried buffet where it was impossible to tell the fried fish from the friend vegetables from the fried meat.
- The blusing bride who made not only her mother, but each of her bridesmaids cry at the reception--and they were not tears of joy.
- The wedding where the married sister of the groom locked herself in the restroom with one of the unmarried groomsmen while her children stood outside saying, "Mommy, what are you doing in there?"
- The bride-to-be who requested that everyone bring to and share at the shower their favorite mmory oh the bride-to-be. After all, in her words, "It IS my day."
Having never been married myself, I would like to think that I would not become a pouffy-dressed demon, but who knows? I know everyone has just as good, if not better, "bad" wedding/shower stories--please share them with us! Who among us couldn't use a good laugh?
- Expensive bridesmaid dresses that "you will TOTALLY be able to wear again." Enough said.
- The wedding where they attempted to set me up on a blind date (despite my having a boyfriend who was not invited) with an Elvis impersonator--who came to the wedding dressed as Elvis. I declined the invitation and, thankfully, avoided the indignity of everyone joking and snickering about "my date": "Elvis has left the table," "Elvis has entered the buffet line," "Elvis has gone to the restroom."
- Theme bridal showers. Need I say more?
- The reception where the recovering alcoholic ran around and yelled at anyone who deigned to have a drink.
- The shower where the woman ran around asking everyone to touch her breasts in order to assure her that her boob job felt natural.
- The bride-to-be who passed out in the middle of her shower.
- The mother-in-law who went on a rant about how "Art should not be judged" when we were trying to determine the winner of some silly decorating shower game.
- Being seated at many a "singles table," which invariably consist of unmarried "singles," but are are, however, dating/comitted, and all of whom know each other but do not know or have the least bit of interest in talking with me.
- The wedding where the bus boys commandeered the table cxameras and took many, many a moon shot--and twisted themselves around so that you could see their faces in each shot.
- The all-fried buffet where it was impossible to tell the fried fish from the friend vegetables from the fried meat.
- The blusing bride who made not only her mother, but each of her bridesmaids cry at the reception--and they were not tears of joy.
- The wedding where the married sister of the groom locked herself in the restroom with one of the unmarried groomsmen while her children stood outside saying, "Mommy, what are you doing in there?"
- The bride-to-be who requested that everyone bring to and share at the shower their favorite mmory oh the bride-to-be. After all, in her words, "It IS my day."
Having never been married myself, I would like to think that I would not become a pouffy-dressed demon, but who knows? I know everyone has just as good, if not better, "bad" wedding/shower stories--please share them with us! Who among us couldn't use a good laugh?
Saturday, August 13, 2011
The Dark, Despairing Days After Being Involved in an Unfortunate Acquistion
For those who missed it, to follow is the accounting of my sad, sad days at the acquiring company that launched my foray into self-indulgent blogging:
Have a great evening everyone and see ya' back here tomorrow!
Day 1
I cannot decide so I will let y'all determine what the best part of my first day here has been:
- The fact that for five-and-a-half hours I sat at my desk in my new cube and the only times anyone talked to me during that time were to show me where the kitchen and restroom are and to take my picture for my badge.
- The fact that I do not have a computer account or a telephone number and I cannot leave the floor because I do not have a badge,
- The fact that after four hours of not being spoken to I received via e-mail a calendar invite to "mini training" this afternoon from my manager in the next cube over--and she still did not speak to me for another hour-and-a-half.
- My "nameplate"--someone scrawled my name on a piece of notepaper that they then obviously folded in half and carried around in their pocket for a while before coming over and thumbtacking it to the outside of my cube.
- The fact that not only did I miss foam finger day because of the guy they killed, but I apparently also missed the 2011 Flat “Know More See More (Seymour)” (see attached) decorating and picture taking of in "fun" office locations contest.
- The dirty coffee mug and used napkins that were left for me on my new desk.
Those are just the items that made it to the finals.
I am going to rip off my own head and eat it...
Day 2
Now that my 3:30 p.m. training meeting has been cancelled for the second day in a row (once again re-scheduled via e-mail by my manager sitting approximately four feet to my left), I am going to let y'all determine what the best part of my second day here has been. The clear winner for Day 1 (included below for reference) was my threat to rip off my own head and eat it. Kudos to Stacey for her creative suggestion of creating a graphic depicting Flat Seymour ripping off my head and eating it. Also, kudos to Tina for suggesting that I webcast the ripping off and eating of my head from my cube. Finally, kudos to Andrew for suggesting lighting Flat Seymour on fire for next year's competition.
Day 2 finalists:
- Sitting here for six hours with nothing to do.
- Realizing that there is an undercurrent of hostility that runs through the whole place and that no one likes anyone else here other than those of us who were forced here from FedSources.
- Being encouraged to vote on the best mascot and best team uniform from the Global Bowl-A-Thon, but then realizing that I cannot do that because I am not allowed on the Intranet.
- Discovering that I have not only been demoted from being the manager of a research team, but I am the only other person on my team who is simply an analyst--everyone else is a senior analyst.
- Realizing exactly how much I am going to (*not*) learn from my team after sitting through a two-hour team "tactical" meeting where everyone just bickered with each other over CYA issues. The other "tactical" part of the meeting involved passing-the-buck manuevers.
- Finding out that I am expected to attend "Office Hour" every Friday afternoon from 4:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. I have no idea what "Office Hour" is, but it cannot be good unless it involves copious amounts of alcohol and/or a weekly lighting-Flat-Seymour-on-fire ritual.
- The used ear buds I found in my desk drawer.
- The fact that they gave me--the librarian with nearly twenty years experience--a sheet with suggested Internet "research" sites on it for me to keep in mind. There were many (*not*) helpful suggestions including, but not limited to, the Washington Post, the Federal Times, and the Library of Congress site,
Vote early--vote often!
- Sitting here for six hours with nothing to do.
- Realizing that there is an undercurrent of hostility that runs through the whole place and that no one likes anyone else here other than those of us who were forced here from FedSources.
- Being encouraged to vote on the best mascot and best team uniform from the Global Bowl-A-Thon, but then realizing that I cannot do that because I am not allowed on the Intranet.
- Discovering that I have not only been demoted from being the manager of a research team, but I am the only other person on my team who is simply an analyst--everyone else is a senior analyst.
- Realizing exactly how much I am going to (*not*) learn from my team after sitting through a two-hour team "tactical" meeting where everyone just bickered with each other over CYA issues. The other "tactical" part of the meeting involved passing-the-buck manuevers.
- Finding out that I am expected to attend "Office Hour" every Friday afternoon from 4:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. I have no idea what "Office Hour" is, but it cannot be good unless it involves copious amounts of alcohol and/or a weekly lighting-Flat-Seymour-on-fire ritual.
- The used ear buds I found in my desk drawer.
- The fact that they gave me--the librarian with nearly twenty years experience--a sheet with suggested Internet "research" sites on it for me to keep in mind. There were many (*not*) helpful suggestions including, but not limited to, the Washington Post, the Federal Times, and the Library of Congress site,
Vote early--vote often!
Have a great evening everyone and see ya' back here tomorrow!
Day 3
I apologize to those who said that they missed my Day 3 blog--I got word from BAH HR that they are eager to have me join the team--I just have to go through some formalities that I have been trying to take care of as soon as possible.
The winner for Circle of H#*l (Day) 2 was all things Flat Seymour. I particularly enjoyed Stacey's suggestion of creating a mascot for next year's Global Bowl-A-Thon of a flaming Flat Seymour using my head as a bowling ball. Gluing the used ear buds to each side of his head and creating a bowling shirt for him with the used napkins was also inspired.
Day 3 finalists for best part of the next day of the rest of my life:
- Finding out that I will be required to keep a timesheet of what I spend my time on each and every minute of each and every day and will need to send it to a group of people in the Phillipines. How awesome is that? They have outsourced the tracking of every single minute of the days of employees in Virginia to a group of Phillipinos rather than trusting us to be conscientious professionals or trusting someone in Virginia to make certain we are doing our jobs. Seriously, how awesome is that?
- Spending an hour thinking about what "Office Hour" could possibly be and then spending another 15 minutes looking over the timesheet codes to determine which one I could use to categorize my contemplation of "Office Hour" as "strategic thinking."
- Studying the bizarro chart on the inside of the restroom door (please see attached) that tells you how to decide if you have a common cold, the common flu, or H1N1.
- Contemplating the creation of a chart telling you whether or not you are likely to be about to open a vein. Actually, in my opening a vein research (yes, I have a ridiculous amount of time on my hands) I found out that the most effective ones to slash are under your arms. However, the glamour aspect of that method is admittedly very low--seriously, who wants to be known as the chick who slit her armpits? Further "strategic thinking" will be devoted to a better way to do this--and I believe that I will present it at next week's team "tactical" meeting--or at "Office Hour"--whichever proves to be most appropriate.
- Having my new "teammates" ask, "How is your commute? Just kidding,we know it's bad. Hahahahahahahahahaha!"
The winner for Circle of H#*l (Day) 2 was all things Flat Seymour. I particularly enjoyed Stacey's suggestion of creating a mascot for next year's Global Bowl-A-Thon of a flaming Flat Seymour using my head as a bowling ball. Gluing the used ear buds to each side of his head and creating a bowling shirt for him with the used napkins was also inspired.
Day 3 finalists for best part of the next day of the rest of my life:
- Finding out that I will be required to keep a timesheet of what I spend my time on each and every minute of each and every day and will need to send it to a group of people in the Phillipines. How awesome is that? They have outsourced the tracking of every single minute of the days of employees in Virginia to a group of Phillipinos rather than trusting us to be conscientious professionals or trusting someone in Virginia to make certain we are doing our jobs. Seriously, how awesome is that?
- Spending an hour thinking about what "Office Hour" could possibly be and then spending another 15 minutes looking over the timesheet codes to determine which one I could use to categorize my contemplation of "Office Hour" as "strategic thinking."
- Studying the bizarro chart on the inside of the restroom door (please see attached) that tells you how to decide if you have a common cold, the common flu, or H1N1.
- Contemplating the creation of a chart telling you whether or not you are likely to be about to open a vein. Actually, in my opening a vein research (yes, I have a ridiculous amount of time on my hands) I found out that the most effective ones to slash are under your arms. However, the glamour aspect of that method is admittedly very low--seriously, who wants to be known as the chick who slit her armpits? Further "strategic thinking" will be devoted to a better way to do this--and I believe that I will present it at next week's team "tactical" meeting--or at "Office Hour"--whichever proves to be most appropriate.
- Having my new "teammates" ask, "How is your commute? Just kidding,we know it's bad. Hahahahahahahahahaha!"
- Getting a notice from *Company* through CareerBuilder.com saying that they have an HR admin position open that I would be perfect for and should apply to.
- Wondering why there are no recycling bins anywhere, but there is a sign on an envelope on the refrigerator that says "DO NOT THROW AWAY LABELS--PUT THEM IN HERE."
I hope to resign tomorrow, however, if I am not able to, look for the webcast of me shattering the dirty coffee mug and shoving the largest shard into my jugular.
Yours in sheer stupidity and insanity,
Adriana
- Wondering why there are no recycling bins anywhere, but there is a sign on an envelope on the refrigerator that says "DO NOT THROW AWAY LABELS--PUT THEM IN HERE."
I hope to resign tomorrow, however, if I am not able to, look for the webcast of me shattering the dirty coffee mug and shoving the largest shard into my jugular.
Yours in sheer stupidity and insanity,
Adriana
Day 4
There is no Day 4 because I was concentrating on finding another job that day.
Day 5
Well, here we are at the end of the week--we made it! My favorite thing today was definitely lunch outside on a beautiful afternoon wit Andrew (also a former FedSources employee and now a fellow POW)--thanks, Andrew, for the very entertaining time away and for the further bashing of Flat Seymour.
Runners-up for best thing about Day 5:
- Hearing Andrew's hysterical story about how his "teammates" communicate with him only via e-mail despite the fact that they all sit at one table in an open room (by the way, Andrew is a financial analyst who they have put on the IT team--Andrew does not have any computer science background or education).
- Learning about the official launch of what is certain to be a great time: The "Pre-Move Clean-up" initiative (which is in preparation for our move to offices even further away than my current one-and-a-half hour each way commute).
- Sitting in an hour-and-a-half long meeting where someone kept saying over and over, "We don't want to go to Spreadsheet Madness."
- Trying to find Spreadsheet Madness on my Droid's GPS to see if it is, in fact, somewhere I would like to go (it sounds kind of groovy to me--groovier than here, in any case) and then coding it on my track-every-second-of-your-day timesheet as "Secondary Research."
- Still not having a computer account or a telephone.
- Finally being given something to do but being perplexed as to exactly what that is. I was asked to do a market forecast but was
told, "You can use numbers if you want, but you don't have to." Huh? What am I forecasting? The weather?
told, "You can use numbers if you want, but you don't have to." Huh? What am I forecasting? The weather?
- The non-happening of "Office Hour" so I still do not know what it is--but I still firmly believe it is not good.
Here's looking forward to the apocalypse tomorrow!
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
A
A
Monday, May 23 (morning)
Good morning,
To follow is the a.m. field report further outlining reasons for my quiet and growing despair:
- One hour and forty-five minute commute.
- Still no computer account or telephone.
- Getting an e-mail saying that I am going to receive a computer account and that I should: "Please be in the office at your desk with your computer on and Outlook closed." There was no time included on the e-mail and as I was supposed to shut down Outlook, I could only surmise that I was expected to sit at my desk with the computer on and stare at it. Since that is pretty much my new job description and as I have had plenty of practice with that already, it should not be a problem. I am so going to rock my annual review this year!
- Reading this: "Please archive your existing emails using instructions to access them via Outlook after migration" in the same e-mail. No instructions were included--natch.
- Having my computer eventually shut down, switch to the new domain, and then come back up asking for passwords to logon--passwords I do not have and was not provided with.
- Calling the dude who was supposed to set up my computer account and having him say, "Oh yeah, I remember you. I got your e-mail last week asking about your computer account and forwarded it to Louis. I'll have him call you--what's your telephone number?" Me: "Um, I don't know." Dude: "I can have him e-mail you." Me: "Um, that's kind of why I'm calling. I don't have access to e-mail, the Intranet, or any drives." Dude: "Oh. Well, at least it's Monday morning so it's not like you were going to have to do much anyway."
- While waiting for a call from Louis, re-arranging the two red pens, one pencil, and one half-used notepad that I was supplied with on my first day. I did find a room with "Supplies" written on the nameplate, but the only items in the room are empty boxes and DHL envelopes. I suppose if I would like to ship my dirty coffee mug to someone, I am all set.
- Going into my manager's cube saying "knock, knock," planting myself in her guest chair, and watching her become visibly disturbed at the unexpected and forced face-to-face communication.
- Before my computer meltdown having someone ask me to print something that I had in my archives and watching them struggle with deciding if I was kidding or if I am, in fact, completely stupid and insane when I told him, "I don't have a computer account here, but I could print it to the Tysons office and run over and get it if you don't mind waiting an hour or so for it." Letting him suffer for a few beats before telling him, "I'm totally kidding--why don't I e-mail it to you and you can print it out?"
- Having his e-mail and printer connections stop working just as I was sending it.
- Thinking but not saying (though desperately wanting to): "What do you expect when you put financial analysts on the IT team? Perhaps we should contact the financial analyst team to see if they can resolve our IT issues."
- Deciding that from this point forward I am going to write all office correspondence in red ink and capital letters until my two red pens
run out and thereby possibly become known as "Angry Girl." New place, new persona!
run out and thereby possibly become known as "Angry Girl." New place, new persona!
Can't wait to see what the afternoon holds in store--off to sit with my thumb in my eye.
Best,
A
A
Monday, May 23 (afternoon)
Hey y'all,
I knew that this afternoon would not disappoint--below are the highlights for the soul-sucking afternoon of May 23, 2011:
- Getting my new e-mail address: AdrianaYounskeviciu@*company*.com
- Finding out that Hawaiian Shirt Day is on the horizon. Seriously, is someone here determined to create "Office Space--The Live Version"?
- Reviewing the 91 slide training slide deck for my group before my "minitraining" meeting (I can only shudder with horror at the thought of how many slides are in the slide deck for "megatraining"). It contained a plethora of useful information, hints, and tips such as:
I knew that this afternoon would not disappoint--below are the highlights for the soul-sucking afternoon of May 23, 2011:
- Getting my new e-mail address: AdrianaYounskeviciu@*company*.com
- Finding out that Hawaiian Shirt Day is on the horizon. Seriously, is someone here determined to create "Office Space--The Live Version"?
- Reviewing the 91 slide training slide deck for my group before my "minitraining" meeting (I can only shudder with horror at the thought of how many slides are in the slide deck for "megatraining"). It contained a plethora of useful information, hints, and tips such as:
- Use spell check before sending a report for publication,
- Don't just use art in reports, use "SmartArt" --3-D shape effects, gradients, shading, etc.
- Avoid repetitive words and phrases in reports.
- Do not "use the ampersand (&)."
- Avoid using the exclamation point unless it is part of a proper name.
- Learning that there is a Research and Analysis Team and yet someone (perhaps the person who issued my e-mail address?) read my resume (with a Master's in Library and Information Science and nearly twenty years of research and analysis experience) and decided I should be stuck here instead.
- Being encouraged "as a new employee" to check out their one-and-a-quarter hour presentation on Federal Procurement 101--despite having been a COTR for two years, a senior researcher with respect to federal procurement matters for two-and-one-half-years, and a Senior Client Manager and Project Manager for a federal contractor for seven months. Yip yip, I am certain I would glean lots of useful information from that presentation.
- Finally being allowed on the Intranet and finding where the available *Company* e-store merchandise is and there were NO FOAM FINGERS. You can, however, purchase a *Company* automatic wine opener for $34.98 or a *Company* Swiss Army knife for $43.98. After learning that the *Company* foam finger is obviously an urban legend, I believe that I will purchase the *Company* knife and stab myself in the eye with it via webcast from my cube. How's that for brand loyalty?
Yours from the place where "stupid" is both an adjective AND a verb,
Adriana Younskeviciu (so, not only did I get demoted and my benefits got slashed, now they are slowly shrinking my identity)
Adriana Younskeviciu (so, not only did I get demoted and my benefits got slashed, now they are slowly shrinking my identity)
Day 7
Good afternoon,
Welcome to the Seventh Level (Day) of H#$l. In Dante's Inferno the Seventh Level of H#$l is, among other things, home to the Wood of the Suicides, which seems quite fitting to my current situation. However, the best part of my day today was actually something very good--I got to have a celebration lunch with Andrew who got a great new job and will escape here shortly. Congratulations again, Andrew!
Now let's review the other highlights of the day, shall we? May 24, 2011:
- Discovering that my AdrianaYounskeviciu@*company*.com e-mail is not only misspelled, but does not work and bounces back all e-mails sent to it as undeliverable.
- Discovering that my FedSources e-mails are being automatically re-directed to AdrianaYounskeviciu@*company*.com
- Learning that I was not supposed to move from the Tysons office to the Reston office until Thursday, May 26.
- Finding out that my manager found this out last Monday or Tuesday (Days 1 and 2) and did not tell me and let me make this ridiculous commute instead of giving me two more weeks of a reasonable commute.
- Learning that *Company* was supremely annoyed that my manager went off the schedule and said that they were going to keep to the original schedule of the move, including the issuing of a computer account, telephone, etc., and, as a result, is why I have been sitting in my cube with my two red pens and contemplating the profundity of my navel for seven days.
- Finding out that my manager found this out last Monday or Tuesday and did not tell me about it.
- Bringing in my own black pen to write my own notes in because the red pen was beginning to make my eyes smart.
- Sitting in an hour-and-a-half long meeting with supposed adult professionals. At one point one of them asked another (who will henceforth be known as "Emo Boy") a question which sparked the following exchange:
> Emo Boy: "As I said yesterday and as I've said very clearly several times during this meeting (Me (in own mind): "Yeah, no kidding, Emo Boy, I thought we were supposed to avoid repetitive language--that's what they told me in 'minitraining' yesterday."), blah, blah, blah..."
> Her: "Okaaaaay. I just wanted to ask and be certain about the direction we're going to take with this. Blah work stuff, blah work stuff, blah work stuff..." During which Emo Boy pushed his chair back from the table and buried his face in his hands.
> Her: "Have I created a bad situation for you?"
> Emo Boy: "No, I was just thinking about some things. Several things, different things. It's alright, I'm alright."
> Her: "Okaaaaay. Blah work stuff, blah work stuff, blah work stuff..." Which Emo Boy interrupted with: "Wait, wait, I was thinking about how I could possibly be such a bad communicator. I was very clear and you still didn't get it. I've never had a problem with communication and now I'm clearly not communicating with you." <<pause and woeful shake of the head>> "I was thinking about what I can do to communicate better. I just don't understand how you could not get it. I don't understand how I could have been clearer. I was clear several times and you still asked me that question." <<pause while staring sadly at the floor>> "I'll figure it out. Don't worry about me. We can go back to discussing the report."
> Me (in own mind): "Really? Really? Man up, dude."
- Finding out what "Office Hour" is. "Office Hour" is the time on Friday afternoon where you can go into a conference room and discuss with your manager anything that you are not comfortable talking about in the cubes. Huh? I have to wait until 4:00 p.m. on Fridays to talk about something that is bothering me with my manager? That totally (*does not*) make(s) sense.
See you in the Wood of the Suicides. *heavy sigh!*
Best,
Adriana!
Welcome to the Seventh Level (Day) of H#$l. In Dante's Inferno the Seventh Level of H#$l is, among other things, home to the Wood of the Suicides, which seems quite fitting to my current situation. However, the best part of my day today was actually something very good--I got to have a celebration lunch with Andrew who got a great new job and will escape here shortly. Congratulations again, Andrew!
Now let's review the other highlights of the day, shall we? May 24, 2011:
- Discovering that my AdrianaYounskeviciu@*company*.com e-mail is not only misspelled, but does not work and bounces back all e-mails sent to it as undeliverable.
- Discovering that my FedSources e-mails are being automatically re-directed to AdrianaYounskeviciu@*company*.com
- Learning that I was not supposed to move from the Tysons office to the Reston office until Thursday, May 26.
- Finding out that my manager found this out last Monday or Tuesday (Days 1 and 2) and did not tell me and let me make this ridiculous commute instead of giving me two more weeks of a reasonable commute.
- Learning that *Company* was supremely annoyed that my manager went off the schedule and said that they were going to keep to the original schedule of the move, including the issuing of a computer account, telephone, etc., and, as a result, is why I have been sitting in my cube with my two red pens and contemplating the profundity of my navel for seven days.
- Finding out that my manager found this out last Monday or Tuesday and did not tell me about it.
- Bringing in my own black pen to write my own notes in because the red pen was beginning to make my eyes smart.
- Sitting in an hour-and-a-half long meeting with supposed adult professionals. At one point one of them asked another (who will henceforth be known as "Emo Boy") a question which sparked the following exchange:
> Emo Boy: "As I said yesterday and as I've said very clearly several times during this meeting (Me (in own mind): "Yeah, no kidding, Emo Boy, I thought we were supposed to avoid repetitive language--that's what they told me in 'minitraining' yesterday."), blah, blah, blah..."
> Her: "Okaaaaay. I just wanted to ask and be certain about the direction we're going to take with this. Blah work stuff, blah work stuff, blah work stuff..." During which Emo Boy pushed his chair back from the table and buried his face in his hands.
> Her: "Have I created a bad situation for you?"
> Emo Boy: "No, I was just thinking about some things. Several things, different things. It's alright, I'm alright."
> Her: "Okaaaaay. Blah work stuff, blah work stuff, blah work stuff..." Which Emo Boy interrupted with: "Wait, wait, I was thinking about how I could possibly be such a bad communicator. I was very clear and you still didn't get it. I've never had a problem with communication and now I'm clearly not communicating with you." <<pause and woeful shake of the head>> "I was thinking about what I can do to communicate better. I just don't understand how you could not get it. I don't understand how I could have been clearer. I was clear several times and you still asked me that question." <<pause while staring sadly at the floor>> "I'll figure it out. Don't worry about me. We can go back to discussing the report."
> Me (in own mind): "Really? Really? Man up, dude."
- Finding out what "Office Hour" is. "Office Hour" is the time on Friday afternoon where you can go into a conference room and discuss with your manager anything that you are not comfortable talking about in the cubes. Huh? I have to wait until 4:00 p.m. on Fridays to talk about something that is bothering me with my manager? That totally (*does not*) make(s) sense.
See you in the Wood of the Suicides. *heavy sigh!*
Best,
Adriana!
Day 8
Adriana!
Day 9
Welcome to the Ninth Circle (Day), where even Dante was afraid to tread in the Divine Comedy (apologies--I know that I have been saying the Circles of H&*l are in the Inferno, but I was incorrect--cut me some slack peoople--undergrad was over 20 years ago :) ). The Ninth Circle is where we suffer a complete separation from all other forms of life for, as Dante said, "the deepest isolation is to suffer separation from the source of all light and life and warmth." Welcome to my cube!
Friends,
Welcome to Day 8, or, rather, the eighth circle of H&*l, otherwise known as Malebolge or "evil ditches." As one scholar described it, it is "a filthy treasure of ill-gotten souls." Seems apt. Therefore, greetings to all from the Ditch of Evil!
So far it has been a pretty exciting day here so let's jump right in with the highlights of May 25, 2011:
- Actually, I need to include one from Day 7: Two-and-a-half hour commute home. As you recall from yesterday's cry for help (i.e., Day 7), I was not supposed to move to the Reston office until tomorrow so I actually could have been spared that.
Moving on with Day 8:
- My manager's shoes: Four-inch wedge heeled sandals in hot pink metallic faux snakeskin. Note to the ladies in the audience: Nothing says professional like shoes that would not look out of place on a Solid Gold dancer.
- Atttending the one-and-a-half hour All Employee Global Town Meeting which was composed largely of descriptions of *Company* products. Hey, I am not certain if anyone noticed, but I am not a customer. I am not a potential customer. I am not a salesperson. Ergo, I. Do. Not. Care. How about telling employees something that affects employees at the All Employee Meeting?
- Learning in the meeting that, much like superstar bands such as Spinal Tap, *Company* is HUGE in Denmark!
- Seeing that, contrary to the *Company* guidelines that I was recently "minitrained" on, liberal use of the ampersand (&) was made and no SmartArt was used at all.
- Seeing in the presentation a slide titled "Major Project Tenants" when they really meant "Major Project Tenets."
- Being encouraged in the meeting to "pare down" my "stuff" in anticipation of our impending move to more further reaches of BFE. Darn, there goes one of my two red pens.
- Being amused while watching in the meeting the question, "Will *Company* Week be re-scheduled?" pop up on the LiveMeeting screen and be completely ignored. As you will recall, this is the fun-filled, action-packed week of activities that was cancelled because they killed a guy and was to include permission to wear my *Company* foam finger (THAT DOES NOT EXIST) to work one day.
- Having someone walk by my cube muttering over and over, "Welcome to Spreadsheet Madness." Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I was there all along--there's no place like Spreadsheet Madness!
Fondly,
Adriana!
Day 9
Welcome to the Ninth Circle (Day), where even Dante was afraid to tread in the Divine Comedy (apologies--I know that I have been saying the Circles of H&*l are in the Inferno, but I was incorrect--cut me some slack peoople--undergrad was over 20 years ago :) ). The Ninth Circle is where we suffer a complete separation from all other forms of life for, as Dante said, "the deepest isolation is to suffer separation from the source of all light and life and warmth." Welcome to my cube!
As we have arrived at the furthest reaches of Dante's H&*l, let's celebrate--in a manner similar to Oprah's final show--by re-living the oh-so-special moments of May 26, 2011:
- Having my new cube neighbors settle in (as you will recall, this is the date that everyone--including myself--was supposed to move to Reston) and listening to the one I have officialy dubbed Annoying Affected Boy (dude is a twenty-something-year-old frat-looking boy) say at 8:45 a.m.: "I simply cannot believe that my computer and telephone will not be set up until 11:00 o'clock today. I find that to be frighteningly late, to be perfectly honest." Hey, Sparky, try waiting NINE DAYS.
- When Annoying Affected Boy began to whistle.
- When Annoying Affected Boy got his telephone and computer set up at 11:00 a.m. and mine still are not.
- Realizing that my new manager probably did not want me to start today with everyone else because, oh, she had scheduled a vacation day. Super--totally great reason to have me come out to Reston with nothing to do for nine days. My gratitude knows no bounds.
- When Emo Boy popped in to tell me that he has been going around meeting the new people and talking with them. Um, you might have wanted to have tried that nine days ago with your own team member, Pal.
- Working on my new project. This involves copying information from the FedSources website and pasting it into PowerPoint so that one of the "senior" people on my team can "analyze" it.
"I am dying, Egypt,, dying." --Antony and Cleopatra / Shakespeare
Send help--or alcohol.
Best,
A!
Day 9
Welcome to the Ninth Circle (Day), where even Dante was afraid to tread in the Divine Comedy (apologies--I know that I have been saying the Circles of H&*l are in the Inferno, but I was incorrect--cut me some slack peoople--undergrad was over 20 years ago :) ). The Ninth Circle is where we suffer a complete separation from all other forms of life for, as Dante said, "the deepest isolation is to suffer separation from the source of all light and life and warmth." Welcome to my cube!
As we have arrived at the furthest reaches of Dante's H&*l, let's celebrate--in a manner similar to Oprah's final show--by re-living the oh-so-special moments of May 26, 2011:
- Having my new cube neighbors settle in (as you will recall, this is the date that everyone--including myself--was supposed to move to Reston) and listening to the one I have officialy dubbed Annoying Affected Boy (dude is a twenty-something-year-old frat-looking boy) say at 8:45 a.m.: "I simply cannot believe that my computer and telephone will not be set up until 11:00 o'clock today. I find that to be frighteningly late, to be perfectly honest." Hey, Sparky, try waiting NINE DAYS.
- When Annoying Affected Boy began to whistle.
- When Annoying Affected Boy got his telephone and computer set up at 11:00 a.m. and mine still are not.
- Realizing that my new manager probably did not want me to start today with everyone else because, oh, she had scheduled a vacation day. Super--totally great reason to have me come out to Reston with nothing to do for nine days. My gratitude knows no bounds.
- When Emo Boy popped in to tell me that he has been going around meeting the new people and talking with them. Um, you might have wanted to have tried that nine days ago with your own team member, Pal.
- Working on my new project. This involves copying information from the FedSources website and pasting it into PowerPoint so that one of the "senior" people on my team can "analyze" it.
"I am dying, Egypt,, dying." --Antony and Cleopatra / Shakespeare
Send help--or alcohol.
Best,
A!
Begin at the Beginning
After my recent, limited blog run describing my dark, despairing ten days at a company that shall remain nameless, my "following" ill-advisedly encouraged me to continue posting about my life in general. Therefore, I invite you to blame them as I inflict my musings upon you. You may also blame the Reluctant Boyfriend (RB--Hill Guy to some of you), as he was the very first to suggest that I write about the adventures that seem to come my way.
About me: I am simply a forty-something-year-old, single girl trying to make her way in life and in love in DC. I'm a librarian, but I'm not a "traditional" librarian. Ergo, please don't tell me every joke you've ever heard about the Dewey Decimal system (yes, surprisingly, people are harboring way too many of them for just the right moment) and please, for the love of all that is holy, do not tell me about your librarian-porn fantasy (yes, a sad portion of the male population seems to have far too many of those as well).
This initial foray is just my dipping my toe in the waters of the blogsphere--stay tuned for tales from Hollywood for short, unattractive men.
Yours, yours, and yours,
Adriana
About me: I am simply a forty-something-year-old, single girl trying to make her way in life and in love in DC. I'm a librarian, but I'm not a "traditional" librarian. Ergo, please don't tell me every joke you've ever heard about the Dewey Decimal system (yes, surprisingly, people are harboring way too many of them for just the right moment) and please, for the love of all that is holy, do not tell me about your librarian-porn fantasy (yes, a sad portion of the male population seems to have far too many of those as well).
This initial foray is just my dipping my toe in the waters of the blogsphere--stay tuned for tales from Hollywood for short, unattractive men.
Yours, yours, and yours,
Adriana
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