As it is still techinically wedding-season, now seems an apt time to discuss one of the benefits of movng into middle age--not only have you survived your friends' first, starter weddings, but their second, "serious" weddings seem to start tapering off as well. Therefore, we can start to look forward to a reprieve of both wedding and shower madness. While most are truly joyous occassions, there are, as with everything exceptions. Below are some highlights from weddings and showers that I have both survived/endured and heard others lamentsabout. I apologize in advance if anyone takes exception to the illumination of any of these slices of life--my wish is to amuse, not offend.
- Expensive bridesmaid dresses that "you will TOTALLY be able to wear again." Enough said.
- The wedding where they attempted to set me up on a blind date (despite my having a boyfriend who was not invited) with an Elvis impersonator--who came to the wedding dressed as Elvis. I declined the invitation and, thankfully, avoided the indignity of everyone joking and snickering about "my date": "Elvis has left the table," "Elvis has entered the buffet line," "Elvis has gone to the restroom."
- Theme bridal showers. Need I say more?
- The reception where the recovering alcoholic ran around and yelled at anyone who deigned to have a drink.
- The shower where the woman ran around asking everyone to touch her breasts in order to assure her that her boob job felt natural.
- The bride-to-be who passed out in the middle of her shower.
- The mother-in-law who went on a rant about how "Art should not be judged" when we were trying to determine the winner of some silly decorating shower game.
- Being seated at many a "singles table," which invariably consist of unmarried "singles," but are are, however, dating/comitted, and all of whom know each other but do not know or have the least bit of interest in talking with me.
- The wedding where the bus boys commandeered the table cxameras and took many, many a moon shot--and twisted themselves around so that you could see their faces in each shot.
- The all-fried buffet where it was impossible to tell the fried fish from the friend vegetables from the fried meat.
- The blusing bride who made not only her mother, but each of her bridesmaids cry at the reception--and they were not tears of joy.
- The wedding where the married sister of the groom locked herself in the restroom with one of the unmarried groomsmen while her children stood outside saying, "Mommy, what are you doing in there?"
- The bride-to-be who requested that everyone bring to and share at the shower their favorite mmory oh the bride-to-be. After all, in her words, "It IS my day."
Having never been married myself, I would like to think that I would not become a pouffy-dressed demon, but who knows? I know everyone has just as good, if not better, "bad" wedding/shower stories--please share them with us! Who among us couldn't use a good laugh?
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